Title: What Soberness Conceals
Rating: NC17
Author: Hannah
Pairing(s): Sam/Josh, Ainsley/Amy (brief mentions of Sam/Ainsley and Josh/Amy)
Notes: Utter PWP. Ainsley POV. Thanks to Carmen for magnificently beta-ing this fic into something readable.

What Soberness Conceals by Hannah

**Drunkenness reveals what soberness conceals [Quid non ebrietas designat? Operta recludit. -Horace]**

I'm freaking out.

I'm freaking out, and I really don't want to be.

My problem is that my boyfriend's currently lying flat on his back, naked, while an equally naked Josh Lyman is kneeling between his legs, sucking my boyfriend's erection into his mouth. And I'm a little worried about how hot I'm finding that sight to be.

I guess I probably ought to be worried about how hot Sam seems to be finding the action to be, but right now I've got other things on my mind. Because I'm freaking out and I don't want to be. Because if I freak out, I'll walk out and to do that I'd have to move off Amy's lap, which would mean her fingers would stop finding each and every one of my hot spots. Hot spots which have, quite frankly, never felt hotter.

Sam groans and his head falls back as I watch one of Josh's hands slide under him. I don't know for sure what he's doing to Sam, but I've got a pretty good idea. It's something Sam's been asking me to do for him for a while now. Something I can't bring myself to do. Seeing how much he likes it makes me regret not having tried. Maybe if I had, I wouldn't be losing him. Because there's no way I've ever made him look like that.

He's panting and moaning and his hands are clutching at Josh's head as his hips push up to thrust his cock deep into Josh's mouth. And Josh is taking it all in. He's not gagging, or pulling away. He's devouring Sam with the kind of frantic desperation you'd expect to see in a starving man who's been thrown a morsel of food, even though Sam's definitely more than a morsel.

I should keep watching them. I should be trying to learn from what I'm seeing, but just as Sam's hips raise up enough to show me exactly what Josh's hand has been doing to him under there, Amy's right hand cups my groin and her thumb and forefinger pinch my clit as she digs her teeth into my shoulder.

"You're doing great, Ainsley" she tells me. "Just relax. Let go."

Her right hand continues to rub me. There's no hiding how excited I am by what's going on here as her fingers find how wet I am.

"You're so hot," she murmurs, bringing her left hand up to trace delicate patterns over my breasts, in contrast with the almost savage pinching of my clit she's relentlessly indulging in. "I think you should show the guys how hot you're getting, hmm?"

With this, she spreads my legs apart, draping them outside hers so although we're both facing the bed, the fact that I'm on her lap like this means I'm the one on display. Sam's head turns to face us, and he smiles at the sight, licking his lips and arching a perfect eyebrow at us. I can hear a whimpering sound, and it takes a moment to figure out that it's coming from me.

Who'd have thought it? Ainsley Hayes, attorney-at-law and exhibitionist in the making.

I wasn't expecting this. I would never have imagined this could happen.

But somehow it did.

We'd invited Amy and Josh over for dinner this evening, and as the wine flowed, and our inhibitions vanished, and the conversation grew more heated, I noticed Sam and Josh's body language change.

We moved from the dining table into the living room and I watched as the guys moved closer to each other, gazing at each other for minutes at a time, reaching out to touch each other every chance they could.

Amy noticed too.

I think she knew about their history. I did. Sam had told me once, stammering his way through the story, pleading with me never to use the information against him. I think even then he was aware we weren't going to last. I think even then I realized he was still waiting for Josh to come back to him.

I didn't expect to be there when it happened, though.

We've got Amy to thank for this. She poured us all more drinks, and started us off on a game of Truth or Dare. I don't remember any of the questions, or any of the answers, but I remember she dared Sam to kiss Josh.

He didn't even look at me.

He just turned to Josh - because he was already as close to him as he could get - and pressed their lips together. His hands slid around to Josh's back, as Josh clutched at his waist and they kissed as though the world was about to end.

Maybe it was.

The kiss went on and on. I had to tear my eyes away. It hurt too much to watch my relationship come to such a resoundingly final end.

Amy wasn't watching it, though. She was watching me.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, as she slid closer. "I didn't think... I didn't know it'd be like this."

Her hand touched mine and I felt a jolt of electricity shoot through me. Maybe it was just static from the carpet. Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was because Josh had chosen that moment to start unbuttoning Sam's shirt.

Or maybe it was just Amy.

She kissed me then, and I kissed her back. It felt... good. Oddly good. She tasted like the wine we'd been drinking, and her perfume made me think of summer days spent relaxing in the sun. She was so gentle with me. She didn't push for more than I could give. She let me set the pace.

I'm not sure what happened next - it's all a blur - but somehow Sam and Josh had managed to get undressed without breaking their kiss, and somehow Amy's hands had slid under my blouse to play with my breasts through my bra, and somehow I could hear myself begging for more.

"Okay." Amy's hands disappeared from my chest and a moment later I felt her arms wrap around my waist. "You guys want to have some fun?"

The next thing I knew, we'd all moved into the bedroom. As Amy dragged a large chair over to the foot of the bed, I watched Josh seduce my boyfriend.

"I wanna suck you," he whispered, scratching his nails down Sam's back, making him shiver. "I'm gonna take you down my throat and make you scream. Then I'm gonna get on my hands and knees and you're gonna fuck me. Hard and fast and just the way we like it."

It doesn't take much to convince Sam to get in touch with his inner slut. He pounced on Josh and pushed him down onto his back.

"I'm gonna fuck you, baby," I could hear him telling Josh. "I'm gonna slide my cock right up your ass, so far inside you you're never gonna want me to leave you."

They started kissing and groping, and whispering and moaning, and my legs started trembling at the intensity of it all. I needed to sit down.

Amy knew that.

She crept up behind me and silently undid my skirt, pushing it down to the floor. She pressed up against me and I could feel she was already naked. Her skin was so smooth, and she's about my height, and her hands were so gentle as they undid my bra and pushed my panties down.

I should have felt nervous. But I didn't. I shouldn't have wanted what came next. But I did.

So when she pulled me down to sit in her lap, I let her. And when her hands began to slide across my body, down my arms and across my stomach and up across my breasts and down my sides and up and down and across and everywhere, blazing a trail of fire as they went, I let them.

And that's where we are now.

Somehow Josh got the upper hand and rolled Sam onto his back, and now his mouth is stretched around the base of Sam's cock and I know he must be able to taste the first drops of Sam's precum, because Sam only ever makes that noise I can hear at the moment when he's that far gone.

I guess Josh knows that too, because he pulls off Sam. At the sight of Sam's cock shining with Josh's saliva, Amy groans.

"You ever watch two guys do it before?" she asks as she slides two fingers inside me and begins to stroke. I don't know if she's expecting an answer or not, but I hope not because I can't speak.

Her fingers have hit that spot inside me that makes my head buzz and my blood rush and I can't help myself. I start to thrust my hips up to meet the rhythm of her hand.

"It's really hot," she continues. "So are you. You like them watching you, don't you?"

I do.

Josh is on his hands and knees now, sideways to us. His head is turned and his eyes are fixed on us, and I know he's seeing me in a way I never thought I'd want him to.

Amy pulls her fingers out and brings her left hand down to join her right. I miss the stimulation and start to rub my nipples as her hands spread my lips apart to afford Josh the most intimate view of me.

Sam's not watching, though. Through my barely-open eyes, I can see him licking Josh in a place most people really wouldn't want their tongue to go. I think he's enjoying it, though. Josh is. His arms can't hold him up anymore, and he's collapsed so that his head and forearms are resting on the bed. His ass is pushing against Sam's face and I can hear the slurping sounds of Sam's tongue as he gets Josh ready for the fucking he promised him.

Oh, God. Sam and Josh are about to fuck and I'm about to watch them.

I'm shaking all over now, and two fingers of Amy's right hand are pushing into me, thrusting in and out as her left hand toys with my clit, the tip of her finger circling it, then flicking it, then circling it some more.

"Make some noise," she whispers to me. "I want to hear you scream when you come."

I can't hold it in any longer. As Sam slicks his cock wtih lube I didn't know he owned, and begins to ease it into a trembling Josh, I begin to moan.

"Please, more," I cry and another finger joins the ones inside me as her little finger slips down lower. I know where it's headed.

I've never let anyone touch me there. Never wanted anyone to. But then until this evening I'd never been with a woman, and I'd never seen two guys fucking, and both those things have turned out to be pretty good. Who's to say this won't?

So when I feel the tip of her finger pressing against my hole, I try not to stop it. I try to relax, to let it in me.

A cry from the bed distracts me for a second and I realize Sam's wrapped his hand around Josh's cock and he's jerking him off as he pushes all the way into him. For a moment, Sam's hips are still and then he starts to thrust. There's none of the tenderness he has with me when we're making love. He's thrusting hard, slamming into Josh then pulling out then slamming back in over and over again and his hand's a blur around Josh's cock.

Amy was right. It is hot. And not just the sight. It's the sounds they're making as well. The heavy grunts and the low, deep moans just add an extra reminder that they're both men. And the smell. The room's heavy with the scent of their sweat. It's dark and musky and it's utterly erotic and Amy's finger's inside my ass now, just the tip and it's barely moving but it's in there and, God, why did I wait so long to let someone do this to me?

I'm so full, and I can feel my climax growing. My head falls back onto Amy's shoulder and my left hand twists my nipples as my right hand joins Amy's to quicken her thrusts.

I'm gasping and moaning and writhing and my hips are bucking and her little finger's pushing deeper into my ass and her thumb's pinching my clit and the pressure's growing inside me and my legs are shaking and tears are pouring from my eyes and Sam cries his completion and my voice joins his as my body gives in to sensation and an orgasm with the strength of a tidal wave rushes through me.

Gradually, the tremors subside and I relax against Amy and open my eyes. Josh is lying on his back and Sam - my Sam - is sucking him off.

"You okay?" Amy whispers, and I turn my head to kiss her. When I pull back, she's smiling at me. She traces my lips with her fingers and I dart my tongue out to lick at them. I can taste myself on them.

I want to taste her.

I think she knows, because her hands urge me to stand, and she leads us over to the bed then lies down next to Josh. I kneel between her legs and take a moment to just look.

She's wet. She must have been for a long time. Tentatively, I reach my hand towards her and brush it over her clit then down lower.

She leans over and kisses Josh. I don't know what comes over me, but I'm pretty sure it's jealousy. She shouldn't be kissing him. She's with me. I have to remind her of that.

I'm not shy anymore. I know what I want to do. I bury my face between her legs and start to lick at her. She tastes different to me, but I can't think of the words to describe how.

"Ainsley, Ainsley." She's moaning my name and it feels so good. I begin to suck at her clit as I start to pump my fingers inside her. Her walls squeeze me and I know she's close. I want to make her come, to drive her over the edge. I can make her lose her mind with pleasure. I want to.

I lick and nip and suck and fuck and before I know it she's coming. I can feel her around my hand and in my mouth and I'm shaken by the intensity of the moment. I never knew I could do this to another woman. I never realized the power I could have.

I pull my fingers out, and she begins to moan but I seize her lips with mine and swallow any protest she might have been about to make. My hands roam across her body, taking in the smoothness of her skin and the softness of her flesh. It's not like being with a man.

A man. Sam.

I'd forgotten him. I'd forgotten that he and Josh are just inches away from us. I turn my head to see them kissing. Josh is licking at Sam's lips and I'm pretty sure he's tasting himself on them. Tasting his cum. My boyfriend sucked off his best friend and now they're kissing each other again, and their bodies are wrapped around each other, and I can't imagine they're ever going to let go.

I've lost Sam. I've lost him to the man who's his past, his present and his future.

"Hey." It's Amy. She turns my head and rests her forehead against mine, reminding me I'm not the only one who just lost their boyfriend.

She doesn't seem to be thinking about that, though.

"You were amazing," she whispers. Her hand brushes mine and our fingers interlock. We're lying naked in each other's arms, and we're holding hands.

My heart skips a beat.

I look back at Sam and Josh. The guys have lost themselves in their kiss now, and I think if I looked close enough, I'd be able to see tears streaming from Josh's eyes. But I'm not going to do that. I've seen enough. What those two have deserves respect. It deserves dignity.

I roll over so my back's to Sam and Josh, and offer Amy a sad smile.

"We're not going to last, are we?" I ask her quietly.

Her eyes flicker over my shoulder to take in the sight. I don't know what she's seeing, but I can hear murmurs and the soft whisper of kisses, so I've got a pretty good idea. "Not with them," she replies.

I nod in acknowledgment and start to sit up. I'm suddenly nervous. I don't know what's going to happen now, and that scares me. Then Amy's hand reaches between my legs, and her lips meet mine as her fingers slide inside me and her thumb brushes my clit.

"Not with *them*, I said," she whispers eventually.

I meet her gaze. She looks nervous. Her eyes are wide and her cheeks are flushed and I know now what she's saying. What she's asking.

I'm straight. I've always been straight. I've never thought about another woman that way, but her fingers continue to play with me, and her eyes continue to plead with me, and I remember how good she was to me tonight. Not just physically. She calmed my nerves and she stopped me feeling shy. And then she took me to heaven.

I lost myself in her. I don't want to be found.

I nod, and I kiss her. It's not much.

But it's a start.


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