Title: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
Author: Michelle K. (CageyGrl@yahoo.com)
Pairings: Donna/Mandy, Donna/Joey, Donna/Amy, Donna/f.
Spoilers: through 'Han.'
Summary: She doesn't know what she's doing.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat. by Michelle K.
Donna knew that Mandy just wanted sex. Why her remained a mystery. Did she think Donna would be easily led? Did she find her attractive? Did she want to fuck with Josh's head?
Did Donna really care?
No, she decided, because Mandy's breath was warm and her touch was warmer. "Either you want it, or you don't."
Donna couldn't speak, so she let her mouth on Mandy's neck be her answer.
Donna was thoroughly fucked. She was surprised -- not at Mandy's skill in the bedroom, but at her effortless ability to feign passion. It was like a distorted work of art, and Donna didn't pretend to understand the complicated ballet they'd begun.
Donna rolled over, her eyes locked on Mandy's sleeping form. She hated seeing her like that -- Mandy was only truly beautiful when she was in action.
"Mandy." She didn't respond, nor did she move when Donna kissed her neck. She shifted lower, suckling Mandy's nipple against her tongue. Donna released it, looking up at Mandy's now-open eyes.
This was what she needed.
"Finish what you started," Mandy growled.
"I always do," Donna smiled, sliding her body between Mandy's thighs.
Joey Lucas is a beautiful woman.
Josh agreed with her; or rather, she wordlessly agreed with him. She wondered why she hadn't noticed it before.
The next time Mandy fucked her, she pretended it was Joey's fingers inside her.
"Don't go," Donna said, nails digging into Mandy's arm. "You can't."
"What, for you?" Mandy sneered. "The sex isn't that good."
"What about Josh?"
"That's more your area, isn't it?"
Donna didn't know what to say. She let her leave.
"I could buy you new pajamas," Donna said as she set down Josh's lunch.
"I could buy me new pajamas."
"And I don't. So you shouldn't."
Josh put his hand over hers. She wanted to pretend she felt sparks. After she smiled, he pulled away.
"So," he said, "Toby is forbidden?"
"Until he learns to respect the rules."
"So he'll always be forbidden?"
"I don't want Josh." Donna moved her lips clearly, wanting there to be no confusion about what she was saying. "I..." She looked down; she was never particularly good at asserting herself.
"Yes?" Joey said.
Donna started to undo the buttons on her blouse, substituting action for words.
Joey kissed Donna, palms stretching out on her newly exposed stomach.
"Joey," Donna began as she pulled away. "Do you want Josh?"
"I already had him."
Donna felt a mix of alarm and arousal. "Good," she muttered into Joey's neck.
She wondered if she was a bad person.
Joey wasn't a regular thing like Mandy, if only by virtue of the distance that usually separated them.
But Joey was entirely different from Mandy. More genuine, more tender, less suspicious.
Sometimes, she found herself missing Mandy.
"We shouldn't do this anymore."
Donna nodded as Joey patted her hand. "Yeah," she shrugged. "Yeah."
Of course Joey would leave her.
Donna didn't like looking at herself from someone else's eyes, but it was often unavoidable.
"I'm not gay," she muttered, looking away from Cliff. And she believed it; having sex with women didn't erase the times she'd been with men.
"It doesn't matter." He put the diary in her hand. "It's really none of my business."
She glanced over at Josh, saw disappointment in his eyes. She knew it was for the wrong reasons.
So did Cliff. (A stranger she'd let inside her.)
Amy kept calling Josh when she was exercising, giving Donna an earful of her panting into the phone. Donna could imagine that voice muttering, "Fuck me."
Josh could probably hear the same thing.
"So many women, so little charm." She tried to make the comment light but after if was out of her mouth, she feared her jealousy was palpable.
That Josh could tell she was moments away from telling him: I slept with Joey, and I'd sleep with Amy.
I will sleep with Amy.
But Josh, she knew, would get to her first.
But Donna was right behind him.
"It wasn't his fault. I mean, I know you think he got you fired--"
Amy pushed her drink away as she reclined back in the booth. "You asked me here to talk about Josh?"
Her skin paled, helping her to feel more transparent. "Why else would I?"
"I'm not blind." She didn't explain any further, and Donna didn't need it.
While she might not have known why she did it, she was aware of the way she stared at Amy. She certainly wasn't going to stop now that Amy was staring back.
"You want to get out of here?" Amy continued.
"Thought you'd never ask."
Amy smiled. "You obviously don't know me well enough."
Amy pressed Donna into the mattress; maybe the same place Josh lay the last time Amy fucked him.
But Josh wasn't here now. Just her and Amy and sheets against their skin.
"You're pretty," Amy slurred, her mouth close to Donna's breast.
Donna arched, the movement rewarded by Amy's tongue on her nipple. Amy sucked the nub into her mouth as she pushed two fingers inside her. Donna's hands roamed over Amy's back as she rocked against her hand.
It wasn't like Mandy, Joey, or any woman she'd picked up.
It was unlike anything she'd felt before.
Amy lifted her head. "I thought I was doing that."
She pulled Amy to her, running her tongue over Amy's bottom lip. Wrapping her legs around Amy, she kissed her softly.
Amy disentangled herself from Donna after the phone rang, answering the cordless on the third ring. "Hi, J," Amy sighed into the receiver as he looked at Donna. "Actually, I'm busy...I do a lot of things, and I didn't even tell you about all of them while we were dating....Bye." She let the phone fall to the nightstand.
"What was he calling for?"
"Nothing important. Kiss me."
Donna started at Amy's knee. She told herself she'd won a battle, if not a war.
"You haven't called in a while."
Donna rubbed her hands together, trying to force away the cold. "I have to buy new gloves."
"What have you been doing?"
Donna watched Amy's words make clouds in the air. She wanted to alternately breathe them in and swat them away with her fingers. "Nothing much," she said finally. "And you? Did you get Josh to notice you with your red dress?"
"You're acting like a child. And anyway, who said I wore it for Josh?"
"Anyone with eyes." She tried not to pout, but it naturally took over her face. It was easy to ignore the hypocrisy of taking Amy to task for pursuing Josh on the same night she fluttered relentlessly around Jack; he was just an accessory in her attempts to appear normal. A way to pass the nights without Amy. A way to keep her from becoming an obsession.
So far, it hadn't been working.
"If I wanted Josh, I'd be with him now." She leaned forward, warm and cold moving against Donna's cheek. "But I'm not."
"I think I have a boyfriend," Donna muttered.
"Did you treat Josh this way?"
"Do you care?"
"No." It was a relief to say it aloud.
Amy's mouth tasted as good as she remembered.
She bounced between Amy and Jack, spending more of her time with Amy. She often wondered if Jack was curious as to why she declined some of his invitations, if he could taste Amy on her tongue.
He never showed any of his cards, never let an ounce of suspicion flicker through. It was probably that he didn't care enough to ask questions.
In the end, neither did she.
Donna couldn't help but smile when Josh complimented her; it wasn't heat that she felt, but comfort. She wanted that.
But it wasn't what she needed.
"Why did you cover for him?" Amy sighed. "The guy's an asshole."
Donna took a sip of wine. "You didn't even know him."
"If the guy just let you screw yourself over for his benefit, he's an asshole."
"You folded pretty quickly."
"Because I know you're right." And I should've spent that time with you. "Now let's stop talking about Jack."
Amy smiled. "With pleasure."
She didn't go to lesbian bars as a rule -- after all, she wasn't gay -- but there were places Amy took her to. Tiny smoky bars that reporters had the decency to leave alone.
"Sure." Donna slid her arm around Amy's waist, slipping her fingers into the front pocket of her jeans.
"Two more," she shouted over the music, fingers forming a v.
Donna pulled Amy close as the bartender slid them their bottles. "Kiss me."
"Ever think you might have an obsession with my mouth?"
Donna licked her lips. "Maybe. But I've come to terms."
Amy pressed her palm against the back of Donna's neck, pulling her into a kiss. Donna considered leading Amy to a dark corner and unbuttoning her jeans, fucking her senseless, swallowing the moans. She wondered what it was about Amy that was turning her into an exhibitionist but, whatever that magic, it was also making her dizzy. So dizzy that she barely even noticed when a familiar voice came at the end of their fevered kiss.
"I didn't expect to see you two here."
It was Amy who uttered the confused, "Mandy?"
They moved to a booth in the corner because Donna had to be the polite fool and offer to buy Mandy a drink. Donna kept her hands to herself, despite the fact that Mandy had to have already figured out that she and Amy were more than platonic.
"I didn't know you were back in town," Amy said.
"Job offer. Wasn't really interested, but I thought I might as well check it out." Mandy turned her head. "You're awfully quiet tonight, Donna."
"I'm just a little surprised to see you. It's been awhile." Donna bit her lip as she remembered the last time she saw Mandy: watching as she threw her meager belongings into a plain suitcase; the realization that neither really cared about their time together. It was still painful, even though she never loved -- or much liked -- Mandy. Maybe those facts made it taste especially bitter.
"So it has," Mandy replied.
"I'll be back in a minute," Amy said, and she was gone before Donna could stop her.
Mandy smiled. "So, you're making a habit of screwing Josh's women."
"You weren't Josh's then. Neither is Amy." Donna took a swig of beer, trying to kill the bile threatening to rise from her throat. "No one can belong to someone else. It's an antiquated notion--"
"Amy's been teaching you how to be a feminist? How sweet."
"Now, I'm just a little curious. Will you get rid of Amy when Josh finds a new girlfriend?"
Donna did what she always did when things got too hard for her to deal with: she ran away.
"What took you so long?" Donna countered, folding her arms across her chest.
"Long line at the bathroom. That doesn't answer why--"
"I don't like her."
Donna ignored Amy's small smirk.
"Are you in love with Josh?"
Donna sat back down after a long silence. "I wish."
"It would make everything simpler."
Amy slid the beer bottle back to its original position. "Really." She paused. "Did you sleep with Mandy?"
Donna looked down at the papers. "Yes." She considered telling Amy about Joey, but threw away the notion.
"Was she better than me?"
Donna sighed. "You're certainly full of questions. There's something in your beer." She smiled nervously, then whispered, "And no. She wasn't better." She waited for the interrogation to continue. Like: Why? She was curious as to the pat answer she would come up with when she was unsure about what she was concealing.
But the moment of faux revelation never came. "I guess this is done."
Donna kept her eyes on the table. "Are you in love with Josh?"
When she glanced back up, Amy was smiling. She started to unbutton her blouse, a choreographed evasion.
Donna took it as an answer.
"Are you and Amy back together?"
"Question of the day." Josh slid a hand through his hair as he exhaled.
"Ryan...Anyway, I don't know."
She'd ask Amy if she thought she'd receive a straight answer.
Amy's lips were unresponsive no matter how hard Donna kissed. Finally, Amy pushed her away.
"Stop," she said, the mix of actions and words finally sobering Donna up.
"Does that matter?"
"Yeah, it does."
"Drinks are on me tonight," Josh yelled, causing strangers to erupt in glee. "I didn't...Well, okay."
"You probably should've said that a little lower," CJ offered.
"Yeah, I realize that."
Donna took a sip of her drink, trying her best to focus on the victory they were celebrating and not the defeats of the past and future. Not her pounding headache.
And certainly not the way Josh casually draped his arm over the back of Amy's chair.
"Always a little late," Toby muttered, causing a few raised eyebrows but no counter-comments.
Donna, for once, found a bit of comfort in Toby's malaise; at least there was someone feeling worse than her at the moment.
"Thank you for your ray of sunshine," CJ sighed.
"Let's have some more of the free liquor," Amy smiled. "That should cheer us up."
Toby looked like he was going to say something, but settled for clearing his throat.
"Sounds good to me," Donna said, raising her half-empty glass.
CJ, Josh and Amy joined her, the clinking glass ringing out false mirth. Donna locked eyes with Amy, who smiled and downed the rest of her drink.
"Refill," Amy said as she looked back at Josh.
Toby left after the next round. Donna stayed, splitting her time between staring at Amy and looking anywhere but.
"You okay?" CJ whispered, leaning close.
"Fine," Donna lied.
"You don't seem okay."
Donna was drunk enough that it seemed like a come-on rather than concern. But the inebriation was not such that she acted on the delusion. "Just a sampling of the headache that's sure to hit me tomorrow."
"Mine usually waits."
"You're always so lucky."
When Donna looked back over at her, Amy was leaning close to Josh. Then a kiss -- jarring to Donna, who wasn't used to seeing Josh and Amy engage in public displays of affection. Donna wondered if Amy was only doing it to twist the knife deeper.
If so, it was working.
"Happy birthday to me."
The voice rang out in the bar, causing several eyes to search for the source. Donna found her quickly: blond, drunk, with a lack of mirth that dipped her loud declaration. She leaned against the bar as she tapped her fingers upon it.
"Wow," CJ deadpanned. "Someone drunker than me."
Donna glanced over at Josh and Amy. They were both still close, both staring at the girl. Something like lust danced through their eyes, and it made Donna look twice at the stranger.
The girl sat down on a stool as she sipped her drink, shirt riding up to expose a bit of her back.
Josh and Amy were still looking.
Donna wanted to be part of their view.
"I'm going to get a refill." Donna slid out of her chair, hoping that Josh and Amy were looking, but too afraid to check. "Hey," she said as she slid next to the stranger. "It's your birthday?"
"Did I say that really loud? I didn't mean to."
"It wasn't too loud," she said, motioning for the bartender to get her another drink. "I'm Donna."
"Oh. I'm Denise." She put out her hand and Donna shook it.
"So, it is your birthday?"
"It would be pretty weird to yell that out if it weren't."
"Well, I don't really know the level of your sanity."
"Fair enough." Denise smiled faintly. "Why are you talking to me?"
"Wanted to wish you a happy birthday." Donna lifted her new drink.
Denise raised hers, meeting Donna's clumsily. "Thanks," she muttered.
They had a drink together, then another. Donna learned that Denise was twenty-three. A graduate student writing her dissertation on the mating habits of fruit flies. Sharing a crowded apartment with two other girls. Donna feigned interest in these facts as best she could, smiling in all the right ways and letting her eyes linger in all the right places. Denise was responding, flirting, and acting like everything was perfect.
"So," Donna breathed as she leaned toward her. "Are you here with anyone?"
Denise blinked, but she didn't seem fazed by the proximity. "Not now."
"Well, maybe you should rethink that." She moved closer. Part of her was afraid that they were watching her, another that she was officially out of their sight. "I'm going to go freshen up," she whispered in her ear before making her way to the bathroom.
Donna stared at herself in the mirror, catching Denise's reflection when the other woman entered. She smiled as she turned, slowly licking her lips. Denise moved closer, slowly pulling Donna into a kiss.
Donna stepped back and took Denise's hand, leading her into a stall. With the door locked behind them, Donna kissed Denise.
"I don't do this," Denise muttered. "Usually."
"Of course," she said, accepting the lie. "I don't either. I'm not even into women. I just..."
Donna saw a familiar glimmer of hope in her eyes; a need to be coveted. "Yeah."
Another kiss, with hands searching each other's bodies. She slid her hands up Denise's shirt, finding her breasts bare. Donna squeezed her nipples until they were hard against her skin. She pushed up Denise's shirt and lowered her mouth to the flesh. She didn't wait long to unzip the other woman's jeans and push her hand inside. Donna groaned at the wetness around her fingers, her other hand bracing herself on one of the stall's walls as she pushed forward. She moved her whole body in rhythm with her hand.
"Oh good good good," Denise muttered in a rolling breath.
"Say my name."
"Donna. Fuck, Donna."
She sucked hard on Denise's nipple as she fucked her harder. After she made her come, she brought her fingers to her lips and licked them clean. Denise rubbed against her as she did so, muttering her name again and again.
Denise kissed her before sliding to her knees. She pushed up Donna's skirt and buried her face in Donna's crotch. Donna threaded her fingers through Denise's hair as she pushed forward. Denise slid off Donna's panties.
"Sit down," she muttered.
Donna complied, leaning back though it was uncomfortable. Denise pulled her closer and slowly licked at her outer lips before pushing inside. It felt good, but Donna pretended it felt amazing, screaming out at every stroke of Denise's tongue. When she came, Donna grunted out her name, punctuating it with a "So good."
Denise handed Donna her panties with a tiny smile. "Not so bad yourself."
They cleaned themselves up in front of the mirrors, only glancing at each other periodically.
"That was nice," Denise said, reapplying her light shade of lipstick.
"Yeah." Donna smiled. She wondered if Amy heard. If Josh heard. If they knew...
If they knew, it wouldn't make a difference.
Josh would pretend not to realize, just as he pretended not to have any inkling about any of Donna's ex's. Amy wouldn't care. Amy never cared.
None of them did.
Even when they didn't pick him, they never chose her either. This didn't even count; in a few days, they wouldn't be able to remember each other's names.
>From the corner of her eye, Donna could see Denise
staring at her expectantly. Maybe waiting for a lie about seeing each other again sometime.
"So..." Denise finally muttered. "I'll see you out there."
Donna nodded, listened to the bathroom door close. She stared at herself, anxious for the plastered-on smile to look genuine enough for her to face the world.
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