TITLE: And the Bicycles, Too
AUTHOR: Julian Lee
EMAIL: thwarted1066@yahoo.com
URL: http://geocities.com/thwarted1066/index.html
CATEGORY: Will; “Holy Night” post-ep
Rating: CHILD
ARCHIVE: List archive; others please ask first.
DISCLAIMER: All characters herein belong to Aaron Sorkin, John Wells Productions, & NBC. So there.
SUMMARY: If your day’s going to suck, it might as well *really* suck.
NOTES: Welcome to my hastily constructed, unbetaed, all-dialogue “Holy Night” post-ep. That thing Toby kept saying? It bothered me. This is for Beth, Perpet, & all lovers of Will Bailey.


And the Bicycles, Too by Julian Lee



“Do you have a minute?”

“Will, why is it that I’m taking one look at your face, and already I can tell I’m going to hate this conversation?”

“I know, and you’re absolutely right, but I need to say this anyway.”

“Say *what*?”

“Toby, today I called the President ‘Mr. Justice’ and worked out of an office full of bicycles.”

“I know. I was there.”

“What I’m saying is that, since this was such a miserable day, I might as well go ahead and make it the most miserable day possible.”

“Go ahead.”

“You already know what I’m going to say, don’t you?”

“I’ve got a couple of guesses ­ Will, would you please say whatever you need to say so I can go back to not thinking about you?”

“Right. Sorry. It’s about this thing ­ you kept saying this thing about ‘making love to a real woman.’”


“And I was ­ first of all, I don’t know how you’re making this distinction, or what an unreal woman is. Leaving that aside, I assume you’ve read my file.”

“Cover to cover.”

“And I assume my file is fairly comprehensive.”

“I know things about you that even you don’t.”

“So you know I’m unlikely to be making love to *any* woman, real or otherwise.”

“I do.”

“And you can understand why your saying things like that would bother me.”

“I can, and, as much as it goes against my nature, I apologize.”

“Thank you, Toby. That is all I wanted to say. You’re free to hate me now.”

“For being gay?”


“I don’t hate you for being gay. I don’t ­ why would I hate you for being gay when there are so many better reasons to hate you?”

“Well then. I’m glad we had this talk. Good night, Toby.”

“Good night, Will. Uh, Will?”


“You talked to my father?”


“He was nice to you?”

“He was very nice. He was...a real gentleman.”

“Okay. Okay. Will?”


“When Sam loses the election, he’s coming back.”

“Thank God.”

“We’re giving him his job back. And his office.”

“And he’ll be more than welcome to them both. And the bicycles, too.”

“And you’ll go back to California?”

“Actually, I’ll go to Nice.”


“That’s where I was headed. Before I ended up here.”

“Is there...someone waiting for you in Nice?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I, ah, I guess that was my only vaguely caring way of asking if you’re seeing anyone.”

“Oh. I, um, yes I am, but he’s not in Nice.”

“Where is he?”

“Toby, do you really care where my boyfriend lives?”

“No. But I’ve been - you know, I’m talking a lot about Andy and the twins, and I thought, maybe, I should pretend to care about other people for a while.”

“Well, that’s nice of you, but you don’t want to know about my boyfriend.”

“I don’t? I mean, no, I don’t, but ­ I don’t?”

“No, you don’t. Listen, it’s late. I should be going. You should, too; get your father home.”

“Yeah. Hey, Will? It’s not Sam, is it? You’re not dating Sam.”

“Um. Good night, Toby. Merry Christmas.”

“Oh, for crying out ­ Ginger! Get me Sam on the phone. *Now.* Have a seat, Dad. Looks like we’re not leaving just yet.”


Send feedback (but not bicycles)! thwarted1066@yahoo.com


"Yes, he does, and if he must work them out by giving us a soaking wet Josh Malina, I will understand. He must work out these problems. I support him fully." -Perpetual Motion on my belief that Sorkin has some issues he needs to work out. Fanfiction with a Grudge: http://geocities.com/thwarted1066/index.html

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