Author: While You Were Sleeping
Author: Mela
Rating: CHILD for General, A for Angst
Pairing: Josh Lyman/Sam Seaborn
Spoilers: None, really. A Post "Noel" story. A sequel of sorts to my story, "He’s Come Undone".
Summary: Josh muses during the wee small hours...
Author's Note: Yes, that's really a quote from Stephen Hawking's "A Brief History of Time". A great book; I recommend it highly... And I hope to hell they don't sue me for using it. <g>

While You Were Sleeping by Mela

You’re beautiful when you’re sleeping, Sam.

You’re beautiful most any time of the day, but you’re especially peaceful now.

I’m glad you’re at peace.

I wish I could say the same.

How I long for sleep.

I still cannot sleep.

I’ve been seeing the therapist , and I did not expect it to be easy.

Or quick.

Or painless.

But still, I expected to sleep.

A few, freaking hours... Is that too much to ask?

Apparently so...

I pick up "A Brief History of Time" and start reading again:

"Now, if you believe the universe is not arbitrary, but is governed by d efinite laws, you ultimately have to combine the partial theories into a complete unified theory that will describe everything in the universe..."

Well, he’s lost me there. Not only do I believe that the universe is arbitrary, I believe that it is mean, cold and out to get me...

Well, I do.

Except when I look over at you sleeping.

Do you remember that day I came to see you at Gage Whitney?

Sure; NOW I remember the name.

Leo had come to see me about working on the President’s... I mean, the Governor’s campaign. I was so confused. I wanted to believe that John Hoynes was... What did you call it?

Oh yeah... The real thing.

If you had told me that I was crazy; that Hoynes was going to be the greatest president in the history of this country, and that I was a damned fool for running off to New Hampshire to look at some economics professor slash governor, I would have turned around and gone back to the Senate without blinking...

Just because you said so, Sam.

You have always been my rock, Sam Seaborn...

When I was in that hospital, Sam, all I could think about was that day. All I could think about was you...

I start to laugh and you stir. I shut up.

I almost think...

I cover my mouth before I wake you up.

I get up and go into the kitchen where I try not to laugh too loudly.

I almost thought, "You complete me."

Yeah... Just like in that movie.

My brain has turned to mush.

I wish I could sleep.

I open your refrigerator and look for some milk. Maybe warm milk will help me sleep. But you don’t have any milk in there. Not much of anything really.

You haven’t been eating well, have you?

Oh god, tell me you haven’t been worrying about me?

I feel a sharp pain in my chest and my breath catches in my throat.

Oh Sam...

I do love you. I really do.

Oh god, I’m a sick bastard.

The thought of you possibly starving yourself makes me feel warm inside...

Great; the first thing I feel in ages has to do with you and your possible anorexia...

I’m a sick, sick, sick bastard.

But you know this already.

And you still love me.

Oh Sam...

God, I think I’m going to cry now....

I wipe my eyes.

I so do NOT want to cry.

I know what I want to do... I want to crawl back into bed with you, even though I can’t sleep and just watch you sleep...

Breathing in... Breathing out...

I want to see the moonlight on your skin, and your raven dark hair...

The sight of you and your beauty, Sam Seaborn, makes my heart ache...

Longing for your touch makes my whole body ache...

My mouth is dry just from the thought of your kisses...

I get a glass of water and drink it.

My hand still hurts.

I hurt.

If you were not here, I could not get through this.

You are my rock, Sam.

I go back into your bedroom... Our bedroom... And I turn off the light.

I put the glass down on the nightstand.

I crawl under the covers next to you.

The moon gives me just enough light so that I can watch you as you sleep.

You’re so beautiful when you’re sleeping, Sam.

I’m glad you’re at peace.

I wish I could say the same.

(the end)

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