Title: Toby Ziegler Woke Up Gay
Author: Katie B. (ktnb@ktnb.net)
Rating: PG-13
Archive: Just let me know if you want it and you can have it. *g*
Site: http://www.ktnb.net/stories/
Genre: Humor, SLASH, and a little more humor
Summary: Toby woke up gay. It's as simple as that.
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, and it's a good thing too or Josh, Sam and Toby would *never* get out! (Yeah, I want all three of them. What can I say, I'm a slut.)
Notes: This is only the third story I've ever put on the internet, and it's my first venture into the world of "The West Wing." The idea just popped out of nowhere, and the story is unbetaed. The concept of "waking up gay" comes from the site "I Woke Up Gay" (http://www.dymphna.net/wakeupgay/) "My Heart Will Go On" belongs to Celine Dion, and believe me, she can keep it. Oh, and if anyone here has ever appeared on Jerry Springer, please don't be offended. *g*
Toby's Tarts: I hope you guys don't mind that I borrowed some of your names. *g*


Toby Ziegler Woke Up Gay by Katie B.

One rainy morning, in an apartment in DC, Toby Ziegler woke up gay.

Toby immediately noticed that he was surprisingly alert for a Monday morning. Usually he would grumble as his alarm came on, roll out of bed and stumble into the shower. But this morning he had woken up ten minutes before his alarm, alert and ready to face the day. Toby also realized that he was happy for absolutely no reason. He hadn't even been this happy when Mendoza had been appointed. Toby jumped out of bed and headed towards the shower, whistling a little tune that had suddenly popped into his head. As he washed his hair (well, the hair that he had left) he went from whistling to belting out the song:

"Every night in my dreams I see you, I feel you, That is how I know you go on. Far across the distance and spaces between us You have come to show you go on. Near, far, wherever you are. I believe that the heart does go on. Once more you open the door And you're here in my heart, And my heart will go on and on."

Toby finished up his shower and turned the water off. He grabbed the fluffiest towel he could find and dried himself off. Instead of rummaging through his closet to find whatever happened to be clean, Toby carefully created an ensemble. After sadly discovering that he owned no brightly colored shirts, he settled on a dark suit with a light gray shirt and blue tie.

"The outfit lacks color, but the tie certainly brings out my eyes," he commented to the reflection in his bedroom mirror. After sprinkling on some cologne, Toby grabbed his car keys and skipped out the door to go to work.

Toby got into his car and headed over to the White House. The traffic was especially heavy, but Toby didn't mind. He turned on the radio, which was set to the morning political talk station.

"Blech. I don't want to hear this. I want to hear something good." Flipping stations, Toby was pleasantly surprised to hear the tune he had been singing earlier. Once again, he broke into song:

"Love can touch us one time And last for a lifetime And never let go till we're gone Love was when I loved you One true time I hold to In my life we'll always go on Near, far, wherever you are I believe that the heart does go on Once more you open the door And you're here in my heart And my heart will go on and on"

Ignoring the strange looks he was receiving from the drivers of the cars around him, Toby smiled and bounced in his seat as he drove up to the White House.

As Toby walked to the Communications Office, he smiled and greeted everyone he passed.

"Good morning Mackenzie. Hello there Suki. Nice to see you today Sunny." Toby entered the Communications Office and greeted his assistants.

"Bonnie! How are you? Ginger, it's a pleasure to see you this morning. May I just say that you ladies look lovely today? You both have such excellent taste in clothing!" Toby grinned and went into his office, leaving Bonnie and Ginger dumbfounded.

"Did we appoint a Supreme Court justice and no one told me?" Bonnie asked.

"I don't think so. Let's just pretend that didn't happen. It's too early in the morning for me to attempt to figure Toby out." Ginger replied.

"Sounds good to me," Bonnie said. They went back to work as Toby skipped over to Leo's office for the morning staff meeting.

"Hello there Margaret," Toby said, beaming. "How are you doing on this bright and sunny morning?"

"Toby, it's raining."

"But it's not raining in here. It's a new day Margaret, and we're in the White House, the center of the political universe! Just think of all the wonderful things we could accomplish today!"

"Toby, on any given day we're lucky if we can accomplish anything."

"Now Margaret, that kind of negative thinking will get you nothing but gray hair and early wrinkles.

"Toby, what the hell happened to you? Did you hit your head or something?"

"No, I did not hit my head. We have the beginnings of a fabulous day upon us! Why is everyone so surprised that I'm in a good mood?"

"Because you're Toby."

Toby just looked at Margaret and grinned. "Oh Margaret, you're so cute sometimes." Looking around the room, Toby noted, "You know, this room could really use a bit of redecoration. Something to brighten it up a little, you know what I mean? Maybe some flowers, or a new coat of paint."

Just then, Leo arrived, with Josh, Sam and CJ trailing behind him.

"Oh thank God you're here." Margaret said. She looked pointedly at Toby. "It's time for you to go to the staff meeting now."

"All right," Toby said. He walked over to Margaret and took her hands in his. "Have a wonderful day, Margaret." Toby carefully laid a kiss on each of her hands before following the Senior Staff into Leo's office.

Leo looked around the room gruffly. "All right, what's going on today?"

Josh scowled. "Well, I have a meeting today with Senator Brackwood, a man whose stupidity rivals the yokels who appear on Jerry Springer thinking that their spouse is actually the gender they're pretending to be. I have to find some way to convince him that education is a good thing and intelligence isn't, you know, a fatal disease. I don't know why we're trying to get him on board for the education bill - I don't think he even graduated from elementary school!"

"Well," Toby replied. "Just look at the bright side--"

"Bright side? Toby, there is no bright side to this situation and I thought that you of all people would be able to see that."

Toby thought for a second. "You're right. There's no apparent bright side here. But I'm just saying, there's a bright side somewhere. You just need to find it. And to start, you could try to turn that frown upside down."

Josh opened his mouth, and then shut it. He wanted to come up with a biting comeback, but once he realized that Toby was being serious, he settled for, "Toby, shut up."

"Okay." Toby sat back, no longer listening to Josh. Instead, he focused his attention on Sam. Sam, his loyal deputy. Sam, his loyal and faithful deputy. Sam, his loyal, faithful and gorgeous deputy.

Whoa. Where had that last one come from?

Well, Toby certainly couldn't deny the fact that Sam was gorgeous. He was like the poster boy for gorgeous Abercrombie boys. And the man knew how to dress. No politician dressed better than Sam. Maybe Sam could give him some tips on clothing. And in return, Toby could give Sam tips on kissing.

Okay, it was time for this train of thought to derail.

After the meeting ended, Toby and Sam headed back to their respective offices.

"Hey Toby, do you have a minute? I've got some ideas for the President's speech this Friday, and I wanted to run some things by you."

"Sure Sam, come on by whenever you're ready." Toby replied.

A few minutes later, Sam came into Toby's office, notes and papers in hand. At first, Toby listened attentively to what Sam was saying. But after a few minutes, Toby realized he was no longer hearing Sam. Instead, he was watching Sam talk. He was watching the way Sam's lips moved as he spoke eloquently about whatever the hell it was he was talking about. He gazed at Sam's lips and imagined what they would taste like. He imagined what Sam's lips would look like as he sucked on Toby's fingers or...other areas of Toby's body. He wondered what Sam's lips would look like as he cried out Toby's name in the heat of passion. They would probably look like they did right now.


"What?" Toby said, his reverie broken.

"You were staring at me, in quite a non-platonic fashion, I might add. Were you even paying attention to what I was saying?"

Toby looked at Sam, and suddenly, realization hit him. The good mood, the sexual fantasies, the desire to dress well, it was all being caused by one thing. Toby had woken up gay. His good mood was (almost) shattered.

"Hello? Earth to Toby!"

"Sam, I think there's something seriously wrong with me. I don't know what's going on."

"What's wrong?" Sam asked, going from angry to worried.

"Well Sam, I, uh...I think I woke up gay."

Sam looked at him for a moment. "Is that all?"

"Is that all?!?"

"Toby, it's very common for politicians to wake up gay. Hell, I woke up gay months ago."


"Yeah! What makes you think you woke up gay?"

"Well, all morning I've been in a good mood. I've been cheery and delightful to everyone. I put more care into my outfit than I've put into all of my briefings in the past month combined. And to top it all off..." Toby mumbled something under his breath.


"I'm seeing you in...quite a different way. I think I'm falling for you." Toby mumbled just loud enough for Sam to hear.

"Oh Toby. You don't know how happy I am to hear that. I've been thinking about you ever since the first moment I woke up gay!" Sam cried. He threw his arms around Toby's neck, and before he could stop himself, Toby kissed Sam. They fell onto the couch with a thump, Sam landing on top of Toby. Toby groaned as Sam unbuttoned his shirt and ran his hands up Toby's chest.

"Sam, I'm so happy I woke up gay!" Toby exclaimed.

"So am I," Sam replied. As Toby explored Sam's mouth with his tongue, he couldn't help but hear the last moments of a song as it ran through his head:

"You're here, there's nothing I fear, And I know that my heart will go on We'll stay forever this way You are safe in my heart And my heart will go on and on"


Forget diamonds, feedback is a girl's best friend. *g*

Back to the Big Block of Cheese Main Page