Title: The Fall of Rebel Angels
Author: Perpetual Motion
Fandom: West Wing
Category: Angst, Drama
Series: No, but a sequel to Julian Lee's wonderful "Landscape with the Fall of Icarus".
Summary: He almost flew to close to the sun once, and if he tried again, the wax would melt off his wings.
Archive Instructions: Go ahead if you want it.
Disclaimer: They’re not mine. I use them as I see fit, and then I release them back into the wild.
Author’s Notes: This is the sequel to Julian Lee's wonderful Josh/Leo fic "Landscape with the Fall of Icarus". She granted permission for my writing and posting this piece on the condition I give a link so that readers may view works by the gentleman who painted both "Landscape with the Fall of Icarus" and "The Fall of the Rebel Angels", which this fic is named for. http://www.abcgallery.com/B/bruegel/bruegel36.html There you go. My work here is done.
The Fall of the Rebel Angels By Perpetual Motion
He thinks about it sometimes, the night when he was twenty-one and Leo was thirty-seven, and they were both liberally drunk. He thinks about it at random dinners with large groups of important people when the champagne is a little to close.
He remembers the feeling of everything. The texture of Leo’s lips, the roughness of the hotel blanket. The feel of the spot in him that twinged the next morning when Leo called himself a drunk. He remembers wanting to walk across the room and kiss Leo, but he hadn’t. And he remembers feeling guilty about that.
And he still feels everything from that night when he lets himself remember vividly. He knows that for a brief moment a crush on an older man had been fulfilled, and he knows he’ll never have that moment again. He almost flew to close to the sun once, and if he tried again, the wax would melt off his wings.
But he almost tried again, because sometimes he doesn’t learn the first time and has to really beat the lesson into himself. He ended up outside Leo’s office late one night, bouncing on the balls of his feet and wondering what the hell he was doing. And then he pushed the door open.
Leo was sitting behind his desk, glasses on, and he stared at Josh as he walked across the office. "What’s wrong?"
And Josh has to wonder if there’s something showing on his face, or if, perhaps, his wings are showing. "I-um.." His voice is caught in his throat, and if he were actually thinking, he would take it as a sign. But he swallows, and it hurts, and he forces the words out. "I’ve been thinking."
"About what?" Leo is still staring.
Josh swallows again. It hurts more. He looks into Leo’s eyes and realizes just how much he can’t go through with what he wants. Leo’s not the same. Josh isn’t the same, and neither of them has the luxury of trying something just because it worked once under completely different circumstances. "Never mind."
"Yeah." And he hears the rasp in his voice, but he ignores it and leaves. He wonders if he’s leaving a trail of feathers behind him as he wings fall off, but he won’t turn around to look.
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