Title: Soulfully Straight Goldfish Loving Mumblers
Author: Perpetual Motion
Webpage: www.geocities.com/iwannabedonna
Category: Humor, Satire
Rating: CHILD
Pairing: None, really. I'm answering a challenge.
Series: No
Spoilers: No.
Summary: Satires are good. Very good.
Archive Instructions: If you're laughing, yes. If you're not, yes.
Disclaimer: Not mine, folks, but one of these days, I'll have a trillion dollars and very nice beds for the whole staff with their names on the headboards like the seven dwarves. (Perpetual Motion and the coolest people ever. Nice title.)
Authors' Notes: A while ago there was a discussion on one of my lists of on article of a woman who stated that 'two straight men should not be staring at each other soulfully' and 'CJ says she likes Goldfish crackers, but we never see her eat them'. Then there was 'Toby needs to speak up' and 'Charlie needs more screen time.' Someone said spoof. I spoofed!

Soulfully Straight Goldfish Loving Mumblers by Perpetual Motion

"Josh, you're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"You're looking at me soulfully."

"I am not."

"You are to."

"I can't be. I'm straight."

"So you can't look at me soulfully?"

"Not according to the rules of the universe."

"That's a weird rule."

"You're the one making it an issue, Sam."

"I'm going to leave now."

"Bye, Sam."

"Bye, Josh. Quit looking at me!"


"Hey, Sam."

"Hi, CJ. What are you eating?"

"Goldfish crackers."


"Because I told Danny I liked them, and then someone said they've never seen me eat them, so how could they know?"

"They couldn't take your word?"


"Huh. So now you're eating them in public."


"Josh keeps looking at me soulfully."

"But he's straight."

"I know. Enjoy your crackers."

"Bye, Sam."


"Hey, Toby."

"Yeah, CJ?"

"I need your opinion on this."



"I said what is it?"

"Press briefing on my love of goldfish crackers."



"This has become an issue?"




"REPORTER'S MUST BE BORED! Are you hard of hearing today?"

"You mumble."




"Yes, you do."

"Bye, CJ."

"Bye, Toby."


"Hey, Charlie."

"Hi, Toby."

"What's wrong with you?"

"I feel under appreciated."




"Because I'm the youngest person on staff, and I feel like I don't get enough time to shine."

"You sound like a bad actor."

"I've heard that. Did you hear that Josh has been giving Sam soulful looks?"

"But he's straight."

"I know."