TITLE: Small Dose Insanity
AUTHOR: Perpetual Motion
FANDOM: West Wing
CATEGORY: Femslash, Angst
SUMMARY: Zoey wants Amy and doesn't know quite why.
ARCHIVE INSTRUCTIONS: For anyone who wants it, but especially the WingSwing.
Disclaimer: They're not mine. If they were, I doubt this would ever happen.
Author's Notes: A huge thank you to Julian Lee who not only insisted I could do this, but has listened to every other rant I've thrown at her. And we would both like to know why the President's daughters have a thing for Amy. :)
Small Dose Insanity by Perpetual Motion
And another quick note-I'm not sure how much sense this makes, but it's the only scenario I can agree with, so this is the one we play with.
Small Dose Insanity By Perpetual Motion
There were times Zoey wondered if insanity was something that occured in small doses. She was almost completely certain that she was sane, except for one tiny flaw where she wondered what it wouuld be like to kiss Amy Gardner.
The basic idea of kissing another woman was a little surprising. Enough so that Zoey had locked herself into her room for a weekend with an empty notebook, a package of pens, and the number for the on-campus crisis hotline thumbtacked above her phone just in case she needed to talk to someone. She had lived off Ramen Noodles, Minute Maid Orange Soda, and individually wrapped Sara Lee Muffins while she worked out what the hell was going on in her head.
The first thing she wrote in her empty notebook with a brand new pen was every reason she could possibly have for wanting to kiss Amy Gardner.
She's interesting She has a nice mouth Everyone experiments in college
Underneath the list, Zoey wrote a question.
Do I want to kiss her because I want to experiment?
She stared at the page for a few seconds before adding a second question.
Have I ever wanted to kiss another woman?
She added one more question.
Besides Amy, is there a woman I want to kiss right now?
She chewed on her pen cap as she thought about that. Did she want to kiss a woman besides Amy? Had she ever wanted to kiss a woman before Amy? Zoey went through a mental list of all the women she knew. There were girls she went to class with-Erica, Karen, Carol Ann-she was pretty sure she didn't want to kiss any of them. She thought about CJ, Bonnie, Donna, Carol, Cathy, and Gina, and she didn't feel like kissing any of them, either.
Zoey wrote another question on a clean sheet of paper.
Does wanting to kiss one woman make me bisexual?
She chewed on the cap of her pen again while she wondered. Did wanting to kiss a woman make her bisexual or did it just make her curious? Zoey finally sighed and reached for the phone. Part of her was silently screaming that making the call was a bad idea, but she didn't know who else to call. At that particular moment, a faceless voice from the crisis line wasn't what she needed. She counted three rings before the phone was picked up.
"Zoey!" He sounded happy. "How's life?"
"Confusing." Zoey took a deep breath. "I have a really big, kind of odd, you-can't-tell-my-parents-about-it question."
There was a pause. When Josh spoke, his voice was concerned and a little hesitant. "You okay, Zoey? Did you get hurt?"
"No!" Her voice was emphatic. "This has nothing to do with Charlie. This doesn't even have to do with men."
"Okay." Josh's voice was now neutral. "What is it?"
Zoey took another deep breath. "Is a person bisexual if they want to kiss only one person of the same sex?"
A very long pause halted the conversation. Finally, Josh formed a question. "Why are you calling me about this? Why aren't you talking to your parents?"
"Because you are my self-proclaimed 'big-brother-if you-ever-need-one', and because I don't want to. I know they'd understand if I *was* bisexual, but I don't know if I am." Zoey felt tears in her eyes. "Please, Josh."
Josh sighed. "Damn, kid. Okay. Let me think a sec." There was a short silence. "You only want to kiss one woman?"
"You don't feel the urge to kiss any other woman?"
"Can you picture yourself having sex with this woman?"
"You just want to kiss her?"
"Would you break up with Charlie for her?"
Josh got quiet again for a moment. "Zoey."
"Yeah?" She swallowed against the knot in her throat.
"You have a crush."
"What?" Zoey knew she said it louder than necessary, but it felt like the right thing to do.
Josh didn't sound fazed. "You have a crush. Something about this woman is attractive to you, and instead of just admiring her from afar, you feel the need to kiss her."
"Am I that good?"
"No. I think you have it completely wrong."
The disgust in Josh's voice was faked. "Glad I could be of assistance."
Zoey laughed a little. "I just don't think it's a crush. I know what a crush feels like. This is just-something different."
"Are you always this confusing?" The exasperation was real.
"I'm not trying to be."
"I know, kid. Did I at least help in the tiniest bit?"
Josh sounded happy again. "Good. My work here is done. Do your homework and brush your teeth, and when you figure this out, talk to your parents."
"I will. Thanks, Josh."
Zoey hung up the phone and flung her notebook across the room. ~Screw it. It'll work out how it works out. Even if it means kissing Amy.~