TITLE: Roller Coasters, Closets, and a Little Self-Insertion
AUTHOR: Perpetual Motion
WEBPAGE: www.geocities.com/iwannabedonna
FANDOM: West Wing
CATEGORY: Spoof, Humor
PAIRING: Multiple ones mentioned. Including the evil one.
Rating: CHILD
SPOILERS: None
ARCHIVE INSTRUCTIONS: It's all yours if you want it.
SUMMARY: Amy-bashing, in a slightly milder form than usual.
Disclaimer: They're not mine. Especially *not* Amy.

Roller Coasters, Closets, and a Little Self-Insertion By Perpetual Motion

"Josh."

"Yeah, Leo."

"You might want to hide."

"From what?"

"Perpetual Motion."

"Shit." Josh jumped up out of his chair and hid in the closet. He cowered amongst the coats as he heard the unmistakalbe sound of the roller coaster coming down the hall and screeching to a stop by his office door. A few seconds later, his closet door was wrenched open. "Hey, Perpet."

"Do *not* 'hey' me, Josh. And while I know you're in the closet, please don't ever pull a pun like this again."

"You're writing this."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"I'm not."

"Then how are we even having this conversation?" Josh stpped out of the closet and allowed Perpetual Motion to close the door.

"My alter ego is writing this."

"Your alter ego?"

"Yes."

"But you're already an alter ego."

"Your point?"

"You can't have an alter ego for an alter ego."

"I can. I will. I do. Her name is Full Stop Motion."

"That's really bad."

"This coming from the man dating Amy."

"What's wrong with Amy?"

"She's a political whore. Damn, Josh, you would have done so much better."

Josh glared at Perpetual Motion. "Like who?"

"Sam, Marbury-"

"You finished off my Marbury story."

"Doesn't mean he still isn't an option. As are Toby and Leo."

"Toby?!"

"Me?!" Leo looked a little shocked.

Perpetual Motion turned to face him. "You."

"Why me?"

"Because Julian, Pryia, and I like the idea."

"Pryia, but she's always wanted me with the President."

"We got her to the dark side."

Leo sighed. "Apparently."

"Toby?" Josh said it with less surprise.

"Toby. You have a daughter."

"Was I pregnant?"

Perpetual Motion rolled her eyes. "God, no. Amy doesn't have you *that* emasculated."

"What?!"

She waved Josh off. "Deal with it, Josh. I have to go. Leo has a date with Hoynes I have to get written."

"Could it be happy this time? The last time I didn't even get laid." Leo looked annoyed. "It's always some 'two alcoholics looking for support' story."

"I promise no angst, and plenty of sex-if I can fit it in." Perpetual Motion jumped into the bright purple roller coaster, and it took off down the hall.

Josh and Leo watched her go. Leo spoke. "Explain the roller coaster."

"If she's careening down the hallway, she wants to do it in a roller coaster."

"Careening?"

"Taht's what she calls it when we walk down the hall."

"She's cracked."

"She knows it."

"That's incredibly disturbing."

"Yeah." Josh shut his office door. "But she's gone."

"For now."