Title: Namecalling
Author: Baked Goldfish
Disclaimer: I don't own TWW, I don't own the Middle Earth universe, and I don't own any money, so please don't sue me.
Rated: PG for one little word
Category: Jed/Leo, mindless fluff
Archive: Sure
Summary: "Congratulations, Leo, you're a Middle Earth porn star."


Namecalling by Baked Goldfish


"Heya, Leo."

"What're you doing?"

"There's this website, see-"

Leo peered over Jed's shoulder and frowned at the computer screen. "Yeah, I see it. Aren't you supposed to be going over the FEC report, Mr. President?"

Jed turned his head to face Leo and cocked his eyebrow at him. "Don't call me Mr. President while I'm doing this."

"Why not?"

"Makes it seem like I shouldn't be lookin' at it 'cause I'm the President," Jed replied.

Leo rolled his eyes and stood up. "Mr. President-"

He typed Leo's name into the input fields and interrupted, "Yes, Leo?"

"Sir, you-"

"Don't call me 'sir,' either."


"Leo," he said. He clicked the button for the results and raised his eyebrow, amused. "Or should I call you Sancho Bulge?"

Leo grimaced and peered at the screen. "What?"

"Sancho Bulge of Hobbiton," he said. "Congratulations, Leo, you're a Middle Earth porn star."

Leo reached around Jed's shoulders and swatted his hands away to get to the keyboard. "And congratulations, sir, so are you."

Jed frowned and looked up at Leo. "Dimple Deepdelver is not a porn star name," he balked.

"That's debatable," Leo mumbled.

He looked at the screen. "Change my name to Josiah."

"But you don't like Josiah."

"Change it anyway."

Leo shrugged and changed it. "Your last name's still Deepdelver. Face it, sir, you're a Middle Earth porn star, just like me."

"I don't wanna be a porn star," Jed huffed.

"Look, we can be porn stars together," Leo said, "but first you have to look over that FEC report, okay sir?"

Jed looked at him with a hopeful and lascivious gaze. "We can be porn stars together?"

Leo rolled his eyes and rested his forehead against Jed's shoulder. "I can't believe I just said that," he muttered, his voice getting lost in the cloth of Jed's suit jacket.

Reaching up and petting Leo on the back of his neck, Jed said, "It's okay. We all heard you."

Leo turned his head so that his mouth was right next to Jed's ear. "Just for that, I'm leaving you for Gandalf," he growled.

Jed was about to reply in mock distress when he suddenly got a confused look on his face. "Wait a minute. You don't know Charlie Brown, but you know Tolkien?"

"Everybody knows Tolkien."

"Josh doesn't know Tolkien."

Leo stood up without taking his arms from around Jed. "Josh doesn't know Tolkien?" he asked in surprise.

Sensing the sudden mood change, Jed quickly replied, "But I'm planning a lecture for him."

"He doesn't-" Leo walked towards the door and said, "I've got a copy of the trilogy in my office, I'll make him read that, and next week I'll move him on to the harder stuff."

"Don't you think Josh has better things to do?" Jed nervously asked. "And more importantly, what happened to us being porn stars together?"

"He needs to be educated," Leo muttered as he left the office.

"I can get Ian McKellan to come here!" he shouted desperately. The door shut anyway.

For a moment, Jed stared at the door as it closed behind Leo; shrugging, he turned his attention back to the computer.

"Prison Bitch Name Generator," he began with glee, "here I come."


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