Title: Love
Author: Mela
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Josh Lyman/ Sam Seaborn
Spoilers: None. The sequel to my story, "Lovers Again".
Disclaimers: Aaron Sorkin owns them; I just give them sex <g> ...
Archive: This list, and my web site (whenever I get one!)
Summary: The train ride, from Josh’s point of view...

********************

Love by Mela

...Was blind, but now I see...

********************

 

You make me feel so good, Sam....

It’s my first coherent thought I have as I recover from having your mouth

suck my cock...

My second coherent thought is, as stars still dance in front of my eyes is,

god, you’re incredible...

What have I done to deserve this?

If I had any idea that getting you out of that office full of jackals was

going to get me this, then dammit, I’d have done it sooner...

I should have done it sooner.

What was I thinking leaving you there? I should have kidnapped you and made

you come with me...Where? Anywhere... To hell with Bartlet, to hell with

Hoynes, to hell with everything...

I was doing the wrong thing as usual.

Stupid, stupid, stupid...

Like letting you go off to Duke without telling you how much I needed you....

Do you remember? It was raining then, too...

I stood outside and watch your taxi disappear and let it take you away from

me...

I cried that day, Sam...

I cried because I knew that I would never see you again, despite all our

words about keeping in touch...

"Keep in touch." What a hollow phrase to end what we had together.

I lay in our bed that night and I cried myself to sleep because I knew that I

would never touch you again...

I cried because I knew that I would never feel your body beneath mine again...

I cried because I knew that I would never feel you shiver as an orgasm

rippled through your body again...

I cried because I knew that I would never cry when I came inside of you

again...

I cried because I knew that I would never love anyone as much as you again.

I was crying before I even went back inside that cold apartment and lay down

on our bed...

The rain was a good cover for my tears then...

I look up at you and I see your face...

"What’s wrong, love?" you whisper, as your lips brush against my face.

"You’re crying..."

I’m crying because you’re here again...

I’m crying because for once in my life I have done something so right it

makes my heart ache...

I love you, Sam.

"Leave you? No... Never again..."

********

You were right, you know...

I left you...

I left you when I pretended that what we had was something less than what it

was...

I pretended that it would pass...

I was afraid. And I hurt you...

Can you ever forgive me for that?

I can barely forgive myself for that.

I loved you and I pushed you away.

At least did my damnedest to try...

You wrote to me; I barely wrote back...

Cliched phrases passed between us, mocking us...

Mocking our love.

I don’t blame you for giving up.

It was my fault.

It was all my fault.

We descended into the valley ex-lovers who put on a brave face, and write and

talk about nothing: "Oh, you’re working for Senator Hoynes now?" "You got the

job at Gage Whitney?" "How’s your dad feeling, Josh?" "You’re dating who,

Sam?"

The only part I cared about was that last part, Sam...

See, I knew that one day it would happen... In order to break that last tie

between us, one of us would have to get married to someone...

(I knew it would be you, because who in their right mind would want to marry

me?)

She would be pretty and smart and have a great job and be perfect wife

material...

And I would hate her guts.

**************

It was a mistake seeing the two of you...

I thought I would be fine, because we had been sending so much bullshit back

and forth through the mail and talking so much trash over the phone...

And it was just so convenient to meet the two of you for lunch and since I

was going to be in New York for a moment, on my way to Connecticut...

It was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done...

All the way to Connecticut, I wanted to hop off the train at every stop and

turn around and go back for you...

I knew I was doing the wrong thing when I didn’t.

I wanted to believe the lies... That you were happy, that things were great,

and that we both didn’t love each other anymore...

I still loved you, Sam...

But I was still fool enough to think I could let you go.

Still a big enough fool to think that I could leave you once again.

************

"You have a bad poker face, you know that?" you whisper, as you lean in and

kiss me.

I slide my tongue into your mouth, and I can taste my cum mingled with all

the delicious tastes of your mouth...

I moan as I catch the scent of your wet hair as I kiss your neck. I inhale

you, shivering as I remember all those nights and days we were together...

I can never get enough of you, Sam.

"I love you, Sam," I whisper after I turn us over.

Your hands stroke my shivering body, and you moan as I trail kisses down your

skin.

"I’ve missed you, Josh..."

You arch against my mouth as I suck at your nipple, your cock twitching

against my stomach...

"Please..." you whisper. "Josh, please..."

"Yes, love?"

"Fuck me..."

I laugh. "No can do, Sam... You just took care of that, remember?"

You groan and wiggle beneath me as I start sucking your other nipple...

"Then... Then suck me... please..."

I smack my lips as I suck at your nipple.

"Suck you?" I moan.

"Yes... Suck me... You owe me..."

"Owe you?" I trail my tongue down to your belly button.

"You left me... You owe me..."

"I owe YOU?" I ask, as I take his shaft in my hand. And I rub it hard.

Stroking him from balls to the top of his shaft. Watching as a drop of cum

appears at the tip...

"JOSH!"

He arches against my hand. And I drop my mouth over his cock...

Tasting him there. Then sliding my mouth all the way down on him.

He thrusts up inside my mouth. I nearly choke, but I don’t stop. Sucking at

him. Moving my mouth up and down on him. Stroking his thighs, his belly, his

chest. Pinching his nipples as I continue to suck at him...

His hands stroke my hair, then my shoulders. He moans my name over and over

again: "Josh, josh, josh, josh.... OH JOSH..."

I want him to cum in my mouth. I need him to cum in my mouth. I have been so

long without him that I want him to cum and cum and never stop cumming in my

mouth...

And I will swallow everything that he gives me and more so that he can fill

me with his essence so that I will never be without him again...

I am so empty without him.

********

And then, he cums...

And when I finish, and he is shaking beneath me, moaning his love for me, I

feel whole again.

I pull myself up next to him, and he kisses me.

He strokes my face.

"I love you, Josh... Don’t ever leave me, okay?" he whispers.

"No," I answer. "Never again."

"Good," he says.

And then he smiles.

*************

We hold each other, as the train passes through a hundred towns, whose names

blur together in my mind...

All I can think about is Sam...

All that my senses register is Sam...

All that matters to me is Sam...

And my last coherent thought before I drift off to sleep is: I love Sam.

*****

I can feel Sam gently shaking me.

"What was that?" he asks.

"Hmm?"

"You were talking in your sleep, Josh..."

"Oh... I said, ‘I see’."

*************

(the end)

Back to the Big Block of Cheese Main Page