Title: Longing
Auhtor: Sunny
Rating: R for language and sexual suggestion
Pairing: Toby/Doug Slash
Disclaimer: I don't own them. I'm just playing with them.
Archive: Sure. Just let me know where.
Spoilers: Manchester I and II
Summary: Doug's POV, thoughts about Toby

Longing by Sunny

Sitting on the barstool I watch as Toby walks away from me. I hesitate to follow because I always feel like he doesn't like me even though everyone tells me that is the way he is to everyone. The bartender asks me if we're friends and I pause before answering. Are we friends? Not really. Cautiously I reply, "Yeah."

I sit and sip my drink as the music blares in my ears drowning the conversations around me. I can't keep myself from watching him. From the moment we first met I wanted him. I find myself drowning in his eyes as he is verbally ripping me apart. I have to smile every time he yells at me because all I can think of is ripping his clothes off and going down on him. I bet that would shut him up. The other day in the Roosevelt room it was all I could do to keep myself from crawling under the table and unzipping his pants. I swear if he had actually said, `I'm from the United States of suck my dick!' I would have. If he had said dick, I would have done it.

I long to kiss his full lips and suck on that rapier sharp tongue. My hands itch to touch his body as my own body aches to feel his hands. If I close my eyes I can picture him naked even though I have never seen him that way. Many a night I have woken from a tormenting dream of him and I together only to find my bed empty. I see him lean over to speak to CJ then a moment later she follows him to play a game of pool. Getting up, I maneuver myself across the room to a corner where I can still watch him. He's magnificent and when he bends over to line up his shot I have stifle a moan. What I would do to see that ass naked! Those damn pants leave way too much to the imagination!

"Are you ogling Toby Ziegler again," Connie asks as she steps up next to me.

I smile sheepishly and look at her. "You know it!"

"If he ever figures it out he's going to punch you in the nose," she replied shaking her head.

"Ah," I sigh. "A touch from the man I desire."

"You are hopeless," she teased.

"Do you think I have any chance in hell," I ask.

She looks at me without replying. I can see that she is giving the question some serious thought. Finally, she says, "Yes. Yes I can see that happening. Not any time soon. Maybe when hell freezes over."

"Or when Bartlett is re-elected," I cut in.

"President Bartlett," she corrects.

"Now you sound like Toby."

"They're all very touchy about that," she tells me.

I breathe out harshly and look back to where Toby and CJ are having a serious discussion. CJ looks upset. I wonder what they are talking about. I know if I wander over they will stop talking and only resent me more. I wonder if he's fucking her. If he's not then maybe I do have a chance in hell. CJ tosses her pool stick at him and storms off towards Josh and Donna.

I decide to get another drink for myself, and maybe, one for Toby as well. I approach the bar and put in my order. Glancing over my shoulder I see Charlie walking towards Toby. `Not now, damn it! Go away,' I think to myself. They start to talk, and I think that Toby is goading the younger man. He has a smile on his face and is gesturing towards the table. I turn back to the bar and pay for the drinks I ordered then carry them back to my spot in the corner. Sitting in the chair I decide to bide my time. My chance will come and when it does, I'll be ready.

A couple of hours go by and the place clears out. Leo has come and gone telling people to get some rest. Everyone is gone except for myself, Sam, Toby, and the bartender Lois. Sam is still working on the speech. Lois is sweeping the floor. Toby is playing pool. And me? I'm still watching Toby.

"Hey Tobes," Sam yells across the empty room.

"Yeah," Toby replies.

"I'm going back to the hotel," Sam announces. "You coming?"

I take a drink waiting for his reply. After too long a silence I look up to see him watching me. Our eyes lock and suddenly its too warm.

"I'm going to play a couple more games," he says finally. "You go on back without me."

"Ok. I'll see you in the morning," Sam says as he grabs his stuff and heads out the door. Toby and I are still staring at each other and it takes me a moment to realize when he motions me to come closer. I leave my drink and join him at the pool table.

"Want to play," he asks.

"Sure," I reply as I move to grab a stick. He racks the table and gestures for me to break. I'm so nervous about being alone with him that my hands are all sweaty. I take a pathetic shot that barely moves the balls. Glancing quickly at Toby I see that he is suppressing a smile. He moves around the table and lines up his first shot.

"You've been watching me all night," he says as he knocks a ball into the corner pocket.

"I have," I croak out pathetically.

He moves to his next shot and shoots me a wry grin. "I noticed," he says softly. I stand blinking in shock. Not believing that he just spoke to me in the softest tone I've ever heard. It's like his words were caressing me. I'm shaken out of my reverie as he places his hand on my chest and pushes me away from the table.

"Wake up Spike," he chuckles as he shoots again. I look at the table and realize he's cleaning it off. Damn! He's doing to me, what Charlie did to him. I continue to watch as he knocks every ball into a pocket, leaving the cue ball rolling across the green felt.

"Good thing we're not playing for money," he teases. "You'd be broke."

"I'll play you again," I hear myself saying. "But not for money.'

"Something else," he asks.

"Yeah. Something more personal," I reply.

"Such as?"

I swallow hard and vaguely wonder if I should back out now and run or take a chance on getting beat to hell. He's watching me with those big brown eyes. Waiting for me to name my stakes.

"If I win you spend the night with me," I say quickly. He doesn't blink as he considers my offer.

"And if I win," he questions with a wry grin.

"Anything you want,' I reply breathlessly. His grin broadens and he begins to chuckle.

"Ok," he agrees. "I'll let you break again."

He sets up the table as I chalk my stick, willing the butterflies to leave my stomach. With the table set it is my turn to break again. I hit the cue ball with a little more authority and send one ball into a pocket. Moving around the table I take my next shot and another ball rolls into a pocket. I look up at Toby. He's watching the table and doesn't seem bothered by any of this. I shoot again and the ball bounces out of the pocket. I hit it too hard.

"Anything I want," Toby reiterates as he moves next to me.

"Yes," I confirm.

He nods then proceeds to clean the table again. I put my stick on the rack and turn back towards him. Toby is slipping his jacket on. He gives me a sly look that makes me wonder if I'm in over my head.

"Get your stuff and lets go," he says quietly.

I grab my jacket and follow him out the door. I really have no idea what he is going to request and can only hope that it is not too humiliating. We walk back to the hotel in silence. In the elevator I can see that he is watching me out of the corner of his eye.

"How long are you going to make me wait," I ask as we step into the hall.

"Wait for what," he asks innocently.

"Whatever it is you want," I snipe.

He stops and looks at me. "About two minutes." He turns again and walks to his room. After opening the door he looks at me and motions for me to preceed him into the room. I step into the darkness and try not to trip over anything. Toby follows me and turns on a lamp by the bed.

"Are you ready," he asks softly.

"Yeah," I reply. He loosens his belt and unzips his pants.

"You might want to come closer," he suggests. "I'm well endowed but not that much."

I stumble to him and drop to my knees as he slowly lowers his pants. I want to reach out yank them down his thighs but I'm afraid he'll make me stop. Someone suddenly knocks at the door. I look over my shoulder in annoyance.

"Go away," I yell. The knocking persists. "Go away!"

"Doug! Open the damn door." It's Connie. I close my eyes and the knocking becomes louder.

Opening my eyes again I see that the room is dark and I'm alone. I sit up and rub my face. `Damn it! It was just another damn dream.' I crawl out of bed and open the door for Connie. She walks in and smirks at me.

"How are you doing," she asks.

"Wonderful," I reply. "You just interrupted a wonderful dream."

"Starring Toby Ziegler," she teased.

"Who else? What do you want," I ask.

"I figured you would still be in bed. It's five-thirty. We're leaving for the farm in half an hour," she smiles.

"Ok. Thanks," I smile back. "I'm going to take a shower."

"You probably should," she said as she glances at my shorts. I look down and see that the front of my shorts are wet. "You really need to do something about that."

"I know," I answer quietly.

"I'll see you in half an hour," she says as she leaves the room. Stripping out of my shorts and t-shirt I head for the bathroom. It's going to be a long day. Half an hour later I find myself stuffed into the back seat between Toby and Bruno. Yes, it is indeed going to be a long day.

"What the hell is going on," Sam asks as he plops beside me in the
booth.

I take a drink of my coffee before answering. "With what?"

"You and Doug," he replies indignantly. I look up at him quickly and take in the set jaw, tight lips and determined eyes. I chuckle softly at his obvious display of jealousy.

"Me and Doug," I repeat innocently, really not knowing where this is going.

"You heard me," he says forcefully. "I saw him watching you all night in the bar and then you stayed with him after I left. Are you fucking him now too?"

I laugh again at the absurdity of the situation. "That is the most ridiculous accusation you have ever made," I tell him shortly. I turn my attention back to my coffee cup for a few more sips. "What would make you think I would be interested in fucking him? I have you, why would I need any one else?"

"So you could be the conquering hero," he goads. "So you can add one more name to your trophy wall!"

"Sam! What the hell," I ask. Now I'm really confused. "What the hell's the matter with you?"

"Hey guys,' Josh says amiably as he sits across from us. Sam and I are locked in a stare down with me trying to figure out what he is talking about and he trying to decide if I know more than I am saying. "Is this a bad time?"

"Depends," Sam says angrily. "Do you want to take part in our fight?"

"We're fighting," I ask.

"What now," Josh says stumbling in headfirst.

"He's fucking Doug," Sam announced.

"I am not," I defend loudly.

"Good morning guys," CJ says with a forced smile. "You want to lower it down a notch?"

`Lower it down?' I'm thinking of ripping the roof off! "Sam! How long have you and I been together," I ask.

"About a year,' he replies.

"And in that time have I ever cheated on you?"

"There's a first time for everything," he accuses. And in a matter of minutes, I went from amused to confused to downright pissed off! I suddenly push him out of the booth and as he falls to the floor I get up and stomp out of the restaurant. I am so mad that I just start walking down the street with no destination in mind. After three or four blocks I realize that someone is walking with me. I look over my shoulder at CJ and come to an abrupt stop.

"What was that all about," she asks without preamble.

I raise my hands and shrug. "You know as much as I do."

"No seriously," she continues. She is staring at me like I've gone mad.

"What," I say in confusion.

"You know what," she says harshly. "You're acting like a damn idiot and poor Sam is paying the price!"

"CJ," I sigh. "Really. I have no idea what you or Sam or anybody else for that matter is talking about right now!"

"Christ Toby," she yells at me. "You and Doug have been flirting like crazy for the past few weeks! The man hardly takes his eyes off of you!"

"Really," I say intrigued. "I never noticed."

"Grrr," she growls at me in frustration. "I've forgotten how dumb you can be! Open your eyes and look at the world around you. And while you're doing that, take a close look at what you're doing to Sam."

She suddenly turns and walks away from stomping her way back to the restaurant. I stand there on the sidewalk with absolutely no idea as to what to do next.

Sitting in the chair in my hotel room, I kicked off my shoes as I flipped channels on the television hoping to find some sports. I had spent most of the day watching Doug watching me. It was weird. I wondered why I hadn't noticed before that he was doing this, as he was rather obvious. I really started to check him out. I figured he was about 40 and that he worked out regularly. His complete baldness bothered me. I had been losing my hair for years but there was no way in hell that I was going to shave it all off. What would make a guy do that? I had heard that some women found it attractive, if so, why was he looking at me?

The only man I had ever been interested in was Sam and now to find that another man was interested in me was amazing. I liked the way he talked back. I liked the fact that he isn't afraid to tell me what he thinks. Sometimes Sam is too naïve, too young, too much of a yes man. I wondered what it would be like to be fucked by someone who was more like me. The knock on the door startled me enough that I dropped the remote control. Smiling to myself I bent down and picked it up tossing it on the table as I went to the door.

"Hi," Doug said as I opened the door.

”Hi," I replied quietly. "Come in."

Doug looked slightly startled at my invitation but stepped in anyways. I closed the door and turned to see him staring at the television. I had forgotten that it was on, now I saw that I had stopped on the home shopping network. They were selling embroidered pillows.

"Have a seat," I offered.

"Thanks," he said as he looked around and finally settles for the edge of the bed.

"What's up," I asked.

"CJ said you wanted to talk to me," he said softly. Our eyes met and I stared at him for a few seconds. "Did you want to see me?"

I nodded without saying anything. The room was suddenly getting warmer and I couldn't take my eyes off of him.

"What did you want," he asked.

I decided to take the complete plunge and just dived right in. "I want to have sex with you."

He stared at me with his mouth open for several minutes. "Really?"

"Yeah," I said softly. "I know you've been watching me. I saw you today," I told him. "And everyone has been telling me how much of a fool I am not to have noticed before."

"Have you ever been with a man," he asked.

"Sam and I are lovers," I confessed with a nod.

"Are," he questioned. Again I nodded. "Anyone else?"

"No," I replied.

"So I'm going to be the test fuck," he asked harshly. "The one to make you decide if you're gay or not?"

"Do you want to be," I asked. I've startled him with this question as he blinks in shock. "Do you want to sleep with me or just dream about it?"

"I want to fuck you," he says so deeply that a chill runs up my spine and I feel myself harden in anticipation. I can feel the atmosphere in the room suddenly change, as I am now the prey. Always with Sam I was the hunter, now I'm the hunted and I have to admit that this thrills me to no end. I watch as he suddenly gets up and turns off the television. He crosses the room and locks the door the turns back to look at me.

"Stand up," he commands. I obey without thinking. "Strip for me."He continues to lean against the door and watch me as I pull off my tie drop it to the floor then begin to slowly unbutton my shirt. Pulling the ends out of my pants I decide to turn around as I slip it off my shoulders. Suddenly I feel his hands on back stroking softly across my shoulders and down my spine. Damn! I didn't even hear him cross the room. The shirt falls softly to the floor as I continue to stand there with my eyes closed. His hands are gentle as he slides them all over my back then down over my still clothed ass. He brings his hands around front and slides them up my erection to my stomach and up further to my chest. A low moan escapes my lips as he hugs me from behind and tweaks my nipples. While his hands are still caressing my chest I unbuckle my belt, unzip my pants and push them down over my hips.

Doug suddenly licks the back of my neck as he presses his own erection against my ass. He reaches down and forces my shorts down I feel them fall down my legs. I'm now completely naked except for my socks. Doug gently turns me in his arms and I can barely gasp a breath as he kisses me fully on the mouth. He pulls me hard against grabbing my ass to get me closer. I put my arms around him and hold on tight. He breaks the kiss and starts making his way down my chest.

"You're still dressed," I remind him with a ragged voice.

"You want me naked," he smiles as looks at me.

"Yes," I hiss. He steps back and quickly sheds his clothes. I was right, he does work out. My head is reeling as I realize there is no stopping. I want this man. I want to know what it is like to have him inside me.

He smiles slyly at me. "Is this what you expected," he asked.

"No," I reply. "This is very unexpected."

"Do you want to go on?"

"Yeah," I nod.

"Get on the bed," he orders. Again I comply without thought. He lays down with me and pulls me into his arms. This is so different from being with Sam. With Sam I feel relaxed and in charge. With Doug, right now, right here – I'm nervous, scared and excited. This is new ground and I can't wait to go on.

His legs are warm against mine as they tangle together. He is kissing me and touching me, and my head is reeling from the sensations. Sliding one hand down his side I reach between us and grab his hardening cock. He's about as long as me but a little thicker. I stroke him firmly and smile as he moans and shifts his hips back and forth. His tongue is exploring my mouth as I stroke faster he kisses me harder.

"I want to taste you," I say softly as I break the kiss. He smiles and rolls onto his back as he pushes me down gently towards his hips. I lazily make my way down taking the time to explore his chest, licking and sucking on his nipples until he starts to push me away. My beard softly glides across his stomach as I stop to nuzzle his belly button.

"God Toby," he moans. "Hurry up!"

I laugh gently and look up at him. "We have all night."

"True. But I want to fuck you pretty soon," he replies.

"Ok," I smile as I gently tug on his cock. I kiss the tip of his erection enjoying the softness then slid my tongue down the underside until I reach his balls. The smell of him fills my nostrils as I nuzzle the base of his hardness. He moans again as if in pain and to remind me that he is still waiting. Nipping him gently on the way back to the tip I then take him deeply into my mouth. He pulses against my tongue and I can taste his salty pre-cum. I try hard to hold him steady as I let my mouth slid up and down his shaft. His hips are moving in rhythm and I can hear his breathing getting more and more ragged.

"You're going to make me come," he warns. I release him from my mouth and move back up his body. My own hardness brushes against his thigh. He takes me in his arms and kisses me hard rolling me onto me back at the same time. Our erections press together as we rub against in each other in pleasure.

"There's lube in the bed stand," I tell him.

"Roll over," he commands as he moves away from me.

"What," I ask.

"Lay on your stomach," he says as he grabs the lube and moves back to me.

I roll over and place a pillow under my hips. Sam and I always fucked facing each other. It seemed more intimate, more personal. This, this required a lot of submission. His hands spread my ass as he starts to apply the lubricant. His finger pushes inside of me and I shudder slightly at the sensation. With Sam, I had always penetrated him. Now was my turn to lose my virginity in a sense. Doug took his time opening me up and preparing me for his cock. It was as if he knew this was something I was inexperienced at. Feeling the bed shift, I tensed momentarily as he moved behind me. His hands massaged my back and ass in attempt to make me relax. I felt him lean down and kiss and lick my spine as his hands wrapped around my waist.

"Its ok," he whispered softly. "It's going to be ok."

I relaxed a little at his words and he moved to mount me. Anticipation made me shudder one more time as I felt his hardness press against my opening. I pushed back to him as the head of his cock slid inside me.

"Oh God,' I moaned suddenly knowing how Sam felt all those times. I silently vowed to be more gentle in the future. Doug slowly pressed deeper and deeper inside of me stopping frequently to let me adjust. After what seemed like hours he was finally all the way inside me. I can't say that at the moment it felt good but then again it didn't feel bad either.

After a few minutes he began to pull out then push back in slowly building a rhythm and spreading a warm and pleasurable sensation from my ass throughout the rest of my body. Unconsciously I start moving my hips in time with his causing my own erection to rub against the pillow under my hips.

Doug grabs my shoulders and moves harder and faster against me. I can feel his cock expanding inside me and I know that he is nearing his climax. Suddenly I feel his hand reach under me and grab my cock. The sudden sensation is too much and I explode onto the pillow. Doug has stopped moving and I can feel his cock twitching in my ass from his own release. He slumps against my back and tries to catch his breath.

Hours later I am laying in the darkness, the only sounds are coming from my new lover laying beside me. The passion from earlier has given way to reality and I wonder what the dawn will bring. What happens now? What do I say to Sam? I care about him. I really do. But I can't see he and I being anything more than political bed partners. With a sigh I look at Doug and see that he is watching me. I smile shyly and he responds by moving closer to kiss me. He wraps his arms around me and holds me close. And suddenly, the rest of the world no longer matters. Snuggling against him I fall asleep. Let tomorrow take care of its self.
"This is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me," Sam said suddenly. I look up from my beer to see him grinning wildly. We have been spending the better part of the evening getting drunk and trying to forget the fact that Toby Ziegler is the biggest prick in the world.

"How can this be good for you," I ask drunkenly.

"I love Toby," he replies. "I love him very much."

"I know," I reply softly sipping at my beer and watching him closely. "I just don't understand how his breaking up with you could be good."

"He has taught me so much. He has taught me how to write, how to drink, how to love and especially how to fuck! And now he has set me free. Free to explore the world," he rants.

`Uh oh,' I think. `Now he's going to be running around and trying to pick up anything on two legs. I've got to stop this before it starts. Think Josh. What are you going to do?'

"I'm in love with you," I say unexpectantly. He stops and stares at me.

"What did you say," he asks.

"I'm in love with you," I repeat.

He takes a long drink of his beer and blinks at me. "Wow."

"Sam," I say as I lean towards him. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah. This is just…this is…I don't know," he replies. "I often wondered if you would be interested in me but I never really thought you would be."

"Well I am," I tell him. "I have been for a long time. In fact I was going to say something before but then you told me about Toby and I didn't want to interfere."

"Wow," he says again. "I can't believe this."

"I'm sorry," I apologize. "I shouldn't have blurted it out like that."

"No," he agreed. "You shouldn't have. You should have told me before I got with Toby. Then we wouldn't have wasted so much time."I swallow the rest of my beer as I think about what he just said. It takes me a minute to realize that he has just propositioned me.

"Maybe we should go somewhere else so we can really talk," I suggest.

"Excellent idea," he grins as he stands up and pulls his coat on. I throw a wad of bills on the table to cover the tab and follow him out the door. Sam hails a cab and holds the door for me to climb in. He sits next to me and lets his leg touch mine as the cabbie drives us to Sam's place. There is a different feeling in the air between and I glance at Sam to see if he has noticed. He grins boyishly at me and I silently thank Toby for being such a prick and for giving Sam and I a second chance. I have been longing for Sam since time began and now he is mine.

"Is everything ok," Doug asks as I step through the door.

"I think so," I reply as I hang up my coat. Doug's arms slide around my waist as he pulls me close.

"You only think so," he questions.

"He was running off to the bar with Josh when I left," I say quietly. "He seemed resigned. I guess he knew before I did that it coming."

"That happens sometimes," Doug says as he pulls me over to the couch. "Some things are inevitable."

"Like you and me," I ask.

He laughs. "I think we were lucky."

"I think you're right," I smile before nuzzling his neck. "What are we going to do tonight?"

"The Blazers are playing the Knicks," he says. "Wanna watch the game?"

"This ought to be interesting," I mumble. "What we have here is the potential for our first fight."

"Not our first fight," he corrects. "But this time we can have make-up sex."

I grin to myself as he turns on the television. `Lucky hell,' I think. `This was inevitable!'

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