Fandom: The West Wing
Paring: Josh/Sam
Rating: PG
Spoilers: The 2nd season premiere "In the shadow of two gunmen"
Summary: Sam's thoughts after the shooting
Disclaimer: The West Wing and its characters are owned by NBC, Aaron Sorkin, John Wells Productions and Warner Brothers Television.
Feedback: ChunTianshi@aol.com
Author’s web page: http://members.aol.com/Chuntianshi/index.html

Falls the Shadow by Seraph

I look around the street dazed, disconnected. I want to tell myself that it's all a dream -- a nightmare really -- but I can't. In my dreams I know what I'm supposed to do. I wouldn't just be standing here asking anyone who passes by what I can do to help.

Ok, Sam, pull it together. Things are not that bad. The president got away safely and no-one got seriously hurt.

Toby's calling for Josh. Doesn't he know that Josh is probably off somewhere, shaking as much as I am? I should turn around and tell Toby to lay off Josh. He's okay, he just needs a few minutes.

Oops, too late. Sorry, Josh. Toby's found him and is chewing him out for not answering.

"I...I need a doctor here." In a heartbeat my world tilts and I turn and run to where Toby is cradling Josh's head in his hands.

Oh...god. I see all the blood and the way Toby is frantically pressing down on the wound and wonder if the world will ever right itself again.

The trip to the hospital takes forever. Josh needs to get to the hospital now, not take some scenic cross-country tour. I stare out the windshield at the back of the ambulance, focusing all my willpower on the man in the back. Live. Live. Live. You have to live Josh. I don't know if I can go on without you. Once, maybe, but not anymore.

CJ reaches from the back seat and places her hand on my arm. I turn around slightly and give her what I hope is a reassuring smile. She smiles, squeezes my arm and sits back. Does she know? I look over at Charlie and Toby. Do they all know?

I can't think about that now. I have to concentrate on Josh.

We're at the hospital. All the confusion and chaos rolls over me as I focus on the man on the gurney.

"Josh. I'm here," I shout helplessly from the back of the crowd following him. I manage to push myself to his side. He's mumbling about needing to get to New Hampshire. Funny that he should be remembering that now.

"You went to New Hampshire. We both did. You came and got me," I tell him as I briefly hold his hand before being pushed away and out of the room.

You came and got me. You saved me. You offered me a second chance...at doing what I love, at working for someone and fighting for something I believe in and most importantly, oh god, Josh, most importantly, you offered me a second chance at us. I turned my back on everyone in New York and followed you to New Hampshire and I'd do it again in a second.

Please Josh...I don't...I can't lose you.

fin

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