Author: Perpetual Motion
Fandom: West Wing
Category: Slash, Drama, Pre-Slash
Spoilers: Little ones for ‘Manchester: Part Two’ and the week after that. (I’m to lazy to look it up.)
Summary: ‘Sometimes courage doesn’t roar. Sometimes courage is the voice in your mind that says ‘I’ll try again tomorrow’.
Archive Instructions: Go for it.
Disclaimer: Not mine. We know it. We accept it. Let’s move on.
Author’s Notes: I got the quote from a fellow Winger, someone I made into one, in fact, and it just seemed highly appropriate to use in this instance.
Courage By Perpetual Motion
Toby walked the property and sighed. He never thought he’d be able to enjoy open spaces so much. Being born and raised in a place with buildings and people at every angle, he never really saw the draw of huge open spaces. Now, on the eve of hell in the form of a grand jury, Toby could see the comfort in being miles from anywhere.
He scanned the area around him and noticed Sam hunched against the fence by the road. Toby knew the posture he was seeing. He was going to have to reverse it. Walking forward and kicking up small dust clouds as he went, Toby leaned against the fence next to Sam. ‘Hi.’
‘I can’t do it, Toby.’
‘Do what? Toby kept his voice pitched low. He knew Sam found comfort in it.
‘The subpoenas, the election; I can’t do it, any of it.’
Sam’s voice cracked slightly. ‘I’ve lost it.’
Toby blinked. ‘Sam, what are you talking about?
‘I’m scared, Toby. I’m terrified. I can’t do it. My courage is gone.’ Sam’s eyes shone, and he blinked the wetness away. ‘I can usually hear it roaring in my head, telling me I can do it all. It’s not there anymore.’
‘I can’t hear it.’
‘*It’s there*.’ Toby ground the words out. He wouldn’t lose Sam to all this doubt. He reached out a hand and squeezed Sam’s arm. ‘Sometimes courage doesn’t roar. Sometimes courage is the voice in your mind that say ‘I’ll try again tomorrow’. You still have courage, Sam. I promise.’
~He’s half-convinced. Get him the rest of the way there.~ ‘Close your eyes.’ Toby watched as Sam did and wished he could stroke the cheekbone nearest him. ‘You know the part of you that’s always writing’ The voice in your head you told me about?
Toby rolled his eyes slightly. Only Sam would name the voice in the back of his head, and only Sam would pick Myron. ~You’re a geek, but you’re a beautiful geek.~ ‘Listen to Myron, Sam. Just concentrate on that inner voice for awhile.’
Sam tilted his head back and wiggled his fingers slightly. He took a deep breath and another, and when he opened his eyes a few minutes later, they were clear and edged with steel.
‘What’d Myron say? Toby knew the answer, but he had to hear the words from Sam.
‘I’ll try again tomorrow.’
Toby beamed, and his own inner voice cheered. He needed Sam in this. He needed Sam in all of this. ~Tell him you want him. Tell him you love him.~ Mentally, Toby shook his head. ~No. He’s overwhelmed. I’ll try again tomorrow.~
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