Title: Big Block of Cheese Day
Author: Perpetual Motion
Fandom: West Wing
Category: Slash, Humor
Summary: "Leo, I swear, I'll do anything-"
Archive Instructions: Go for it.
Disclaimer: They're Aaron Sorkin's, and I just play with them without asking. If you sue, you get student loan bills. (Please sue.)
Author's Notes: So much for this being a one-shot pairing. The thing about the guy and the vacuum cleaner is true. The rest of it I don't know about for certain, but I made it up because it was fun.
Big Block of Cheese Day By Perpetual Motion
"Andrew Jackson put a two-ton block of cheese in the foyer of the White House."
Josh slammed his head onto the table. "No. Please no. No. No. No. No."
"Shut the hell up."
"If you let me out of this, I'll-"
"Josh, shut up."
Josh returned to slamming his head on the table. He mouthed the rest of the speech and let everyone leave the room ahead of him. "Please, Leo."
"No. Get out there."
"Leo, I swear I'll do anything-"
"Josh. Go. Now."
"I hate you."
"My heart bleeds."
"Do you know what I got to do today?"
Leo looked up from paperwork. "You got to offer help to a group of people who normally wouldn't have a voice."
"And they should never have one. You put me in a room with People for the Ethical Treatment of Prairie Dogs."
"How do you pronounce that acronym?"
"I don't care. I spent three hours getting lectured because some guy uses a freaky-ass vacuum cleaner to suck prairie dogs from their holes so he can relocated them from people's yards."
Leo laughed. "Three hours?"
"Three fucking hours. Sam gets guys wanting to use human waste as energy, and I get stuck with the prairie dog freaks. Next time, I get the human waste guys." Josh leaned against the edge of Leo's desk. "Why in hell do you make us do this?"
Leo turned in his desk chair so he could face Josh. "Because this is America, and everyone should get a chance to talk."
"Most likely, but everyone should have their chance to talk."
"Said by the man who kept interrupting me this morning." Josh grinned. "You never let me finish what I was saying."
Leo felt a grin go across his own face. "What were you going to say?"
"I was going to promise you numerous sexual favors, but you never let me finish."
"Thank God. The staff would have keeled over."
"Which means I could have had you on that nice, big conference table."
A strong wave of heat went through Leo. "Don't give me images like that. I'm to damned old for that."
"You sure?" Josh leered.
"Not so much anymore."
"Ready to head home?"
The heatwave hit Leo again. "Yeah."
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