Title: Another Reason
Author: Michelle K. (CageyGrl@yahoo.com)
Archive: If you want. Ask first.
Genre: Lisa; Josh/Sam
Summary: Lisa reflects on her relationship with Sam. (post-ep for '100,000 Airplanes.')
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.
Another Reason by Michelle K.
He asked her why they never got married; he threw out his theory. She didn't like what he said one bit. Not just because it made her sound shallow and materialistic - two things she never really considered herself to be - but because it wasn't true.
Parties, club hopping, trying to get onto some bouncer's magic list - it was all just window dressing. Just a way to have some fun. He was always more important to her than frivolity.
He had to know that.
And, after all, he was the one who ended it.
He definitely had to know that.
He had to be aware of the fact that he left her; that he was the one who walked away. And he knew she couldn't leave everything easily; he knew she didn't want to. He knew she actually liked what her life had become.
But he walked away anyway. He sprinted, really; away from their future, from their past.
He ran away to follow the footsteps of a man he didn't know, in a direction he couldn't foresee.
That is the reason it ended. That's why he left her.
But she thinks there's more to it. More to why he left; more to why he didn't seem to have an interest in staying; more to why he'd give up everything. And she knows that 'more' can be summed up in two words.
She remembers how Sam used to talk about Josh; she remembers the way he acted towards Josh; she remembers why she never could stand Josh.
She remembers all the times Josh visited, how he made himself the center of everything. How he didn't hide his disdain for her very presence. And how Sam allowed it, all the pomposity and the rudeness. He didn't even seem to notice, which stung her more than not caring.
It stung the most the day he came home, jobless and joyful, saying that Josh had found 'the real thing.' Saying he had to go work for some guy no one had ever heard of.
And, silently, in-between the lines, telling her that Josh would always be more important than her.
That's when she knew it was over. That's when she knew it would be pointless to follow him; that she would just be a third wheel.
And, most importantly, that's when she knew Sam was in love with him. Even if he didn't know, she did.
She didn't confront him then, and she never has. She just let him go.
And, so, it surprises her that he could resent her, all things considered.
She should resent him for choosing Josh over her. But she doesn't. It wasn't his fault. It wasn't even Josh's, even though she's been angry with him. Both of them are pretty clueless.
Both of them don't see how their friendship evolved into something else a long while ago, even without speaking the words or falling into bed together.
Both of them never seemed to have any real use for her.
Both of them blamed her for things she couldn't control; blamed her for circumstances that fate seem to shove in their direction.
Both of them can think whatever they want.
But she knows the truth, even if they live in their own little bubbles for the rest of their existence.
She knows the truth, so she should be the one to walk away this time.
From what she can tell, both of them are still immobile.
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